The holiday season means it’s time to trot out perfume commercials. I’m pretty sure people buy perfume only during December and not at any other time of the year. It’s an easy last-minute present that costs a lot. Any guilt about not knowing a person well enough to get them a meaningful gift is washed away dropping a half Benjamin on smelly chemicals. I didn’t really have a use for perfume until earlier this year because, you know, I shower every day and I’m not 83 years old. Then one night my roommate forced me to spray some of hers on and I was like “FINE” but later that night I was told that I smelled good. SO.
I’m sure there’s new perfume commercials every year, but those don’t even register when my old-timey favorites come on the screen. Here’s a list of my top “vintage” ads:
Britney Spears “Fantasy.”
Britney Spears “Curious.”
I think Britney Spears is fully crazy so I always feel kind of weird inside whenever she does something that I like. It’s the same kind of feeling as when I first ate sushi: unnerved that something so disgusting at face value (raw fish and eel) can taste so good. These two commercials both feature a lot of quick edits, which for some reason always makes a video seem way extra cool to me. Also, the ads remind me of Britney’s happier times before she started walking into gas station bathrooms barefoot and such. How adorable is the suction cup arrow in the first commercial? And how can you NOT want Britney to hook up with the hot guy in the hotel?
Edit: in “Curious,” I understand the orchid blooming, the waves crashing, and the lightning striking are all metaphors for sex. But the random split-second shot of a rodeo at about 0:24 has me confused. I mean, I can make the connection, but it’s kind of a stretch when all of the other visual images seem so dainty in comparison.
Charlize Theron “J’adore” for Dior.
Charlize is just this amazon golden lady walking all fierce-like. Why yes, I do love Dior. If I buy some perfume will I turn into Charlize Theron? No? Well, then, can I at least have that dress?
Kate Winslet “Trésor” for Lancôme.
From the YouTube description by lancomeworldwide: “From its creation in 1990 to a lifetime of tomorrows, this scent for body and soul remains an authentic expression of a woman in love. Trésor is the embodiment of the precious moments of a budding love affair, the radiant happiness of shared feelings under the eternal skies of Paris. Trésor by Lancôme. Trésor, intensely Lancôme.”
Okay, so the man is straight out SPRINTING across this bridge to meet Kate in the middle, while you see Clementine has opted for a more leisurely shuffle. They embrace, and Rose DeWitt Bukater Dawson starts sniffing the heck out of her man friend and relief washes over her face. Personally, I think Marianne Dashwood’s “radiant happiness” is because she’s thinking “thank goodness I realized this is not the Olympics, and I smell like Trésor and not like sweat. Because girls don’t sweat, obviously.”
Elizabeth Taylor “White Diamonds.”
This commercial is the grand pooh-bah of holiday fragrance commercials. Mystery! Intrigue! Gambling! Black and white photography! It’s a 30-second film noir and if Liz decided to act in a movie adaptation now I would still go see it. She could even be in her wheelchair, oxygen tank tethered behind her, and I would gladly shell out $12. Do the diamonds bring luck against von Rye? I MUST KNOW.
No comments:
Post a Comment